Chapter 2 Identifing Your Character Traits (2024)

Chapter 2

Let's uncover your personality characteristics. Get started by "looking" at yourself, deep inside. Who are you? What gets you excited? What do you want? Assign yourself the first trait that comes to mind, that describes you. For myself, I would use driven. Driven to succeed. Driven to be the best. Driven to keep learning. Driven to be independent and do it my way! Yes, I have a type A personality. I always feel if it's worth doing, it is worth doing--not 100%, not 110%--but 150%! Co-workers and friends call me crazy sometimes, I guess I like being crazy-it works for me. We all need to determine what works for each of us. I recommend you get a notebook, write down your thoughts and the ideas that resonate with you in this book. What is your core trait?

Now, broaden your list of traits you identify with to give you a complete profile. There are hundreds if not thousands of descriptive traits that can describe you. Look at the big personality traits that are part of your basic makeup. These 5 groups categorize your traits into general strength styles. It is another avenue to see yourself more clearly.

1)openness-- creative, willingness to try new things, abstract concepts.

2)conscientiousness--thoughtful, good impulse control, goal oriented, ambitious

3)extroversion--sociability, talkative, assertive, excitable

4)Agreeableness--trust, kindness, affection, prosocial behaviors

5)Neuroticism--sadness, moody, emotional, instability, worry

Make a list of individual traits you identify with. To help you get started, I have a list of over 600 below. Select what you feel are your primary characteristics. Include others that describe you that are not on the list. You can break them into the 5 groups shown above or just list them as positive, neutral, and negative. I want you to have a visual of your traits for a quick referral as we use them throughout the book.

POSITIVE TRAITS

Accessible *Dignified *Independent Popular Stable

*Active Directed *Individualistic * Practical Steadfast

Adaptable *Disciplined Innovative Precise *Steady

*Admirable Discreet Inoffensive *Principled Stoic

Adventurous Dramatic *Insightful Profound *Strong

Agreeable *Dutiful *Intelligent Protective Studious

Alert Dynamic *Intuitive Providential Suave

Allocentric Earnest Invaluable Prudent Subtle

Amiable *Educated Kind *Punctual Sweet

*Articulate Eloquent *Knowledgeable Purposeful *Sympathetic

Aspiring *Empathetic *Leaderly Rational Systematic

Athletic *Energetic Leisurely *Realistic *Tasteful

Attractive *Enthusiastic Liberal Reflective Teacherly

Balanced Exciting *Logical Relaxed Thorough

Benevolent Extraordinary Lovable *Reliable Tidy

Brilliant *Fair *Loyal Resourceful *Tolerant

Calm Faithful Lyrical Responsive Tractable

*Capable *Farsighted Magnanimous *Respectful Trusting

Captivating Firm Many-sided Responsive Uncomplaining

*Caring Flexible Masculine Romantic Understanding

Charismatic *Focused *Mature Rustic Undogmatic

Challenging Forceful Methodical Sage Unfoolable

Charming *Forgiving Meticulous Sane Upright

Cheerful Forthright Moderate Scholarly Urbane

Clean Freethinking Modest Scrupulous Venturesome

Clever Fun-loving *Multi-leveled Secure Vivacious

Colorful Gallant Neat Selfless Warm

Companionly Generous Nonauthoritarian Self-critical Well-bred

*Compassionate Gentle Objective Self-defacing Well-read

Conciliatory *Genuine Observant Self-denying *Well-rounded

*Confident Good-natured Open *Self-reliant Winning

*Conscientious Gracious *Optimistic *Self-sufficient Wise

*Considerate *Hardworking Orderly Sensitive Witty

*Constant Healthy *Organized Sentimental Youthful

Contemplative Hearty *Original Seraphic

*Cooperative Helpful Painstaking *Serious

Courageous Heroic *Passionate Sexy

Disobedient Disorderly Disorganized Disrespectful

Disruptive Dissolute Distractible Disturbing

Dogmatic Domineering Dull Egocentric

Envious Erratic Excitable Expedient

Extravagant Extreme Faithless False

Fanatical Fanciful Fatalistic Fawning

Fearful Fickle Fiery Fixed

Flamboyant Foolish Forgetful Fraudulent

Frightening Frivolous Gloomy Graceless

Grand Greedy Grim Gullible

Hateful Haughty Hesitant High-handed

Hostile Ignorant *Impatient Impractical

Imprudent Impulsive Inconsiderate Indecisive

Indulgent Inert Inhibited Insecure

Insensitive Insincere Intolerant Irrational

Irresponsible Irritable Lazy Libidinous

Malicious Mannered Mannerless Mawkish

Mechanical Meddlesome Melancholic Mealymouthed

Messy Miserable Miserly Misguided

Moody Monstrous Money-minded Morbid

Naïve Narcissistic Narrow Narrow-minded

Natty Negativistic Neglectful Neurotic

Nihilistic Obnoxious Obsessive Obvious

Odd Offhand One-dimensional One-sided

Oppressed Opinionated Opportunistic Outrageous

Paranoid Overimaginative Passive Pedantic

Perverse Petty Phlegmatic Plodding

Pompous Possessive Power-hungry Predatory

Prejudiced Prim Presumptuous Pretentious

Provocative Procrastinating Pugnacious Quirky

Reactionary Reactive Regimental Regretful

Repentant Repressed Resentful Ridiculous

Rigid Ritualistic Rowdy Ruined

sad*stic Sanctimonious Scheming Scornful

Selfish Secretive Sedentary Self-indulgent

Shallow Shortsighted Shy Silly

Sloppy Single-minded Slow Small-thinking

Stiff Stupid Submissive Superficial

Suspicious Superstitious Tactless Tasteless

Tense Thievish Thoughtless Timid

Trendy Transparent Treacherous Troublesome

Uncaring Unappreciative Uncharitable Unconvincing

Uncritical Unconvincing Undisciplined Unfriendly

Ungrateful Unhealthy Unimaginative Unimpressive

Unlovable Unpolished Unprincipled Unrealistic

Vacuous Unrestrained Unstable Vague

Venal Venomous Vindictive Vulnerable

Weak Weak-willed Willful Zany

I went through the list myself and checked off the characteristics I felt described me the best. I put a small star by them for your reference. It’s interesting to give this list to family, friends, or co-workers to see how they see you. Sometimes we are too close to it to see the true us. I asked a couple of my co-workers how they thought of me, be honest I said. They mentioned many positive traits, some neutral traits, making for a good variety. Remember, none of us are perfect! I have some traits that I should downplay or balance with other traits to improve my success level.

Below are some characteristics I want to elaborate on. I want you to understand how important they are to success.

RESPECT. Respect is a 2-way street; to earn respect from others, you will accomplish it through your daily actions and just staying true to your words. Respecting yourself is the second half of respect.

The 10 traits below are successfully employed through consistency to obtain respect and maintain it. It’s your commitment to work ethic, and high personal standards. When you are consistent in your behavior, you become reliable and trustworthy in the view of others. Whether you always show up on time, always meet your deadlines or are just there to support co-workers and friends; you earn respect. This is all about being the best you. Respecting yourself. To earn the respect of others, you want to exhibit these 10 small behaviors. They can seem insignificant and subtle but have a huge impact on how we are perceived. These simple habits will boost your influence and earn you respect. Plus, they are easy to incorporate into your daily life.

1) Listen actively. This skill demands respect in any setting, as it makes the other person feel heard and understood. It shows you value the individual’s thoughts and opinions. Active listening does not come naturally to many. But with practice, anyone can learn to be an attentive listener. Listening grants the speaker the attention they deserve and is a surefire way to earn their respect. So, try to listen closely and respond accordingly.

2) Be honest. You will find that it is always better to be up front and face a situation head on with courage. Honesty is truly the best policy, showing integrity, building trust and earning respect. Honesty is essential for building respectful relationships, both personally and professionally.

3) Show empathy. In our fast-paced world, it is very impactful to stop and put yourself in someone else's shoes. The ability to understand and view the world from their perspective is huge. Empathy allows us to connect with people on a deeper level. It helps us build strong relationships and earn respect.

A couple of years back, the company I had my sales position with, hired a cute 24-year-old to handle sales in her region. Us older, established managers were kind of jealous of this young, spunky, ambitious individual! She was mentored by the retiring sales manager and had a great first year. During Covid, there was growing anxiety over the economy and inflation. Businesses became cautious, youth, experience and lack of long-term relationships made her job doubly hard. She was struggling to meet her goals. Her regional manager was pushing her hard, making her feel inadequate. Experienced managers were finding it tough to get appointments and grow their sales too. Hearing what was going on, I reached out to her offering support and understanding. We chatted by phone and at the markets. Her manager continued to put her down, when what she needed was a boss to support, mentor and encourage her. She is the future of the company. I finally approached my regional contact and talked with her about the situation. Before I resigned my road position, I got the opportunity to speak with the co-owner of the company. I mentioned to him about the situation and my concerns. I asked him to check on her and encourage her. In fact, this reminds me that I should touch base with her. Being empathetic shows, you care and will earn you respect. I do care. She needed someone to put themselves in her shoes, understand her struggles, empathize with her problem. She needed support and kindness not a negative response. Positivity.

4) Be consistent. I'm a huge believer in consistency, it is a big factor in reaching your goals. Being consistent in behavior shows you are reliable and trustworthy. If you meet your deadlines, show up when promised, are there for a friend in need or always make your sales goals, your reliability demands respect. They know they can count on you. Consistency is a key trait in successful people, as they put in steady, disciplined work over a long period of time.

5) Express gratitude. Showing gratitude is as simple as focusing on the positive and recognizing the good in your life. Plus, it has mental and physical benefits, according to studies. Feeling thankful can improve your sleep, happiness, and immune system. Stop and smell the flowers! Take the moment to appreciate even the little things. Saying thank you will brighten everyone's day. So, strengthen your relationships and earn respect at the same time.

6) Time is a precious resource. Honor your commitments, be punctual and meet deadlines. Respect yourself right along with others. It is a behavior that demands respect. Each of us get 168 hours per week, use them smartly. Make a plan and follow it.

7) Practice humility. A humble individual understands that no matter how accomplished they are, they can always learn from others. Give credit where credit is due. Support the contributions of others and celebrate their successes. Humble behavior makes you approachable and earns the respect of those around you.

8) Keep promises. A great goal here is to under-promise and over deliver. If you tell someone that you will call them back in 15 min., try to call back in 10. If you say we can deliver that to you in 2 weeks, aim for 10 days. You earn trust, improving your relationship, earning respect.

9) Show kindness. This can be as simple as surprising someone with a card or flowers when you know they have hit a rough patch. Offer to help a co-worker with something, give your seat up for someone is being kind. A simple act of kindness will be remembered. It displays that you are compassionate and considerate. You will be highly respected for the little things. Pay it forward!

10) Be authentic. Authenticity is about being yourself. Stand up for your beliefs and live in alignment with your values. You need to be genuine; people can sense when you are fake and will not trust you. Be comfortable in your own skin and do not feel the need to exaggerate or pretend. Don't be someone you are not, and you will earn the highest respect of all. Let your words reflect your values and your actions show your true self. Make these 10 behaviors part of your daily routine and you will command respect and be admired.

Now, let's look at the other side of the coin, to see how you show self-respect. You need to believe in yourself and simply like yourself, flaws, and all! How do you gain and keep self-respect? It is a combination of having self-worth and belief in your values. Positive support and encouragement contribute to a healthy sense of self-respect. Your self-concept and self-identity are also contributing factors. Have a realistic vision of your strengths. Discover your true identity by exploring yourself. Social and cultural connections can enhance or diminish your self-respect. Surround yourself with positive influences that align with who you are. You need to offer yourself self-compassion. Treat yourself with kindness and support, as you do others, especially in difficult times. The 10 behaviors you show others must apply to yourself to have high self-respect. With self-respect you are better able to handle stress, rejection and criticism. You will recognize and process your emotions without being overwhelmed, leading to better decisions. Self-respect improves mental health, promotes stronger relationships and an internal sense of happiness. A positive set of morals and values leads to greater career success. To maintain and enhance self-respect you should focus on your strengths and set achievable goals. Look to the positive. Definitions: Self-worth is your internal sense of being valuable and worthy of the love and respect of others. Self-concept is your belief in yourself, self-created by your actions and habits. It is knowing your goals, values, and ideals. Self-identity is how you identify and define yourself. It’s a combination of your personality traits, physical attributes, and interests. The answer to “who am I?”

RESILIENCE. Emotional resilience is the capacity to deal with adversity in a constructive manner. You will become stronger in the face of obstacles and setbacks. A resilient person learns from adverse situations they experience. They are positive, confident, determined and will quickly find and adopt a solution. Resilience becomes stronger with age, 55-to-65-year-old tend to be the most resilient. Keep pushing, keep adapting as your life experiences grow. To me, no is not an answer. If someone tells me no or that they do not think I am able to do that, I'm going to prove them wrong. I will use it as fuel to strengthen my resolve and determination. I love a challenge! If you stay focused, you can navigate challenging situations. Discover ways to adapt to changes, be creative and have the courage to push forward. You may draw on social support from professionals or friends to conquer the setbacks. You are not an island! Resilience is a deep belief in yourself and your abilities. Failures are a part of life, but failure is not the end of the road, it is a chance to learn and grow. It means you discovered what does not work, use the setback as a learning opportunity. Use failure as your seed to success. Resilient people will keep watering the seed until it grows.

DIVERGENT THINKER. This style of thinking is unique and impressive. This person is very creative, exploring many ways to find a solution to a problem. Being able to look at a problem from different angles, you will be able to come up with a variety of ways to proceed. This results in the most efficient and effective solutions for you, your company and your client. Distinguishing characteristics of a divergent thinker is the ability to collaborate, pay attention to detail, be strategic and open-minded. They are independent risk-takers. Both genetics and environmental factors allow a person to be divergent. Only about 20% of the population has this ability. This type of thinking results in finding numerous answers to an open-ended question.

Take a simple fork, how do you use a fork? The convergent thinker gives one conventional response, “to eat with.” Divergent thinking leads to multiple, creative responses. A fork can be used to stab, to make holes or press to make indentations. Use it as a rake, to pull a nail out of the wall, to hold a picture, to dig or use it to hold something in place. Other ideas?

Divergent thinking is extremely important? It allows us to develop creative, new solutions to old problems. We can discover new technology and innovations, to solve societal and economic problems. It is about thinking outside the box on multiple levels.

PASSION. Passionate people pursue work they find genuinely interesting and meaningful. They are driven to determine their true passion and will be unstoppable when they discover that passion. They are restless and forward thinking, anxious for the next step in their journey. There are 5 main traits that support a passionate personality.

1) Energetic, bringing a wealth of enthusiasm that everyone around you can feel and feed off. You find something you love to do and will sacrifice to make it happen.

2) Self-driven, is the focused energy of passion, that drives your ambition to be successful.

3) Authenticity is a necessary inner-personal trait, as you cannot fake passion. To be truly passionate you must be true to your own spirit, to know who you are and honor those values. Honest, self-understanding is how you pave your own path and become unstoppable.

4) Resilient, as mentioned above, is the ability to endure hardship coming out stronger, pushing your passion to a higher level.

5) Open-mindedness allows you to discover your passion, by experimenting and exploring, to find what makes you come alive. Then, pursue it whole-heartedly, passionately--adding richness and direction to your life.

OPEN-MINDED. To be open-minded is a defining characteristic of high-level thinkers. It is the willingness to consider different opinions and perspectives, even when they contradict your current beliefs. You will learn that your way of thinking is not the only acceptable view. Knowing you can always learn and grow from considering other viewpoints. To be adaptable to change, accepting new ideas and experiences. Evaluating the evidence and reasoning expands your personal boundaries, making you optimistic and forward looking. Open-mindedness improves your resilience and problem-solving skills. Open-mindedness does have limits. It does not imply that you must sympathize or blindly accept others’ ideology. It means you tried to understand their perspective. It could assist in persuading them to change their minds. Being open-minded comes with great side benefits. As you open your mind to a wide range of new ideas and experiences, you will grow as a person. You will learn about people and the world around you.

INTEGRITY. You will never manage lasting success without integrity. It is about taking the high road, being honest with strong moral principles and doing the right thing. Many times, it is not the easiest path but the ethical one. Popularity, fame, and money are temporary. Without developing a reputation of being reliable, trustworthy, and respectful it means nothing. You must take responsibility for your actions and keep your promises. Be at work on time, provide accurate, truthful information and supporting your colleagues shows integrity. Being accountable for mistakes and respecting others will give a reputation of integrity. This is a top skill required for leadership and success in business. The “integrity” of a company is its standing in the world and without it they will not prosper.

OPTIMISTIC. Is the glass half full or half empty? An optimist will see the glass as half full, allowing you to feel and think positively. A hopeful mindset is the founding personality trait for optimism. It helps us persevere through life's challenges and setbacks. Optimistic people are quite creative, motivating those around them and earning them admiration. How can you tell if you are an optimist? You believe good things will happen in the future, expecting things to work out and you will succeed. You see challenges and failures as opportunities to learn. You feel gratitude for the good things in your life and have a positive attitude about yourself. You look for ways to make the most out of opportunities. A variety of factors play a role in being optimistic. Those include genetics, family, culture, and environmental influences. It has been reported that genetics accounts for approximately 25% of optimism. And it grows with age, leveling off between 55 and 70 years of age. Believe in yourself, think positive and stay focused to make positive things happen. This is an attitude, your attitude!

DETERMINATION. This positive trait is the commitment to achieve your goals, regardless of the challenges. A high value is placed on determined individuals. They have a clear goal in mind and do whatever it takes to reach it; they will not give up; they are determined to succeed. When determined, you overcome the fear of failure and take steps toward your goal that ensure success. You will not be denied, you cannot be defeated-you will figure it out. When you push through your fear, you boost your self-confidence with a can-do attitude. Reaching your goals takes time, accountability, and a sustained, consistent effort. With determination you will stay focused, keeping the goal in sight. You will step outside your comfort zone for success. Determination thrives off extreme interest and excitement. Couple determination with passion and grit to make your goals. Listen to me- DO NOT give up!!

GRIT. This positive characteristic is a person's courage and resolve to achieve long term goals. It is about having passion, resilience, self-control, discipline, determination, and work ethic. You will do whatever it takes to make important goals a reality. Gritty people always want to improve, no matter what it takes or how good they are already. Success is not a given, it is hard fought. No matter how hard it gets, grit will get you to the finish line. It's a long-term determination to make your goals. Look inside, how much do you want this? What will you sacrifice to accomplish it?

GRATITUDE. I was raised in a generation when our shortcomings were pointed out. No praise or thank you were heard for good results. Those positive accomplishments were just expected by yourself and others. This negative mindset can affect your mood, motivation, and happiness. Practicing gratitude transforms how we view the world, making you more positive. Seeing the good every day reduces stress. It motivates you to work harder toward your goals, long and short-term. Start a journal, write down 3 things you are grateful for each day. With this daily routine, you will see a significant shift in your attitude and self-confidence. Staying focused on the good, although not always easy, it will lead to positive results. Your gratitude will set you up for delayed gratification, accomplishing long-term results. Cultivating gratitude is more than saying thank you. It's about recognizing the good and appreciating what you have.

DELAYED GRATIFICATION. This trait is about resisting the impulse to take the immediate, full reward. Let's look at how important delayed gratitude can be. Every time you say thank you to yourself for something you are grateful for, award yourself $50.00. So, you go out, treat yourself to a celebratory drink and a movie. That was nice, but if each thank you earns you $50 and you delay until you have enough to take a vacation--that's a wow! Those who think long-term, resist temptations, will set themselves up for greater long-term success. Save up for what you really want and deserve. This skill allows you to maintain self-control and helps you to live a life with more purpose. Successes will increase your overall confidence.

SELF-CONFIDENCE. This attribute is all about being comfortable in your own skin. You must be strong and let your true self show to the world. Numerous times, early in my career, I was super nervous and intimidated by several of my clients. At that point, I did not know my product line inside and out, nor did I have a relationship with them yet. The 2 appointments that come to mind were clients that were hard to even get an appointment with and were expecting you to be at the top of your game. You could just kind of feel it-they were in charge, and it should be you. As our relationship grew and my product knowledge and confidence strengthened, I formed a very good relationship with them. In fact, the one client, who continued to be very hard to get an appointment with, said to me several years later, “you are so much more confident than the first couple of times we met.” I learned that it is quite easy for others to tell when you are not confident. I’m going to point out 9 quirky habits that indicate a high level of self-confidence. It’s almost like a secret language you speak when you are confident, and you can adopt these habits.

1) Embrace your quirks. Understand that your differences are what makes you unique and authentic. There is so much pressure today to fit into an acceptable mold and conform to societal expectations. But you know your worth, standing by your values and beliefs proudly shows a high level of self-confidence.

2) Not afraid to say no. The act of saying no helps to protect your physical and mental well-being. Learn to say no without guilt, explain your reason honestly. You know your priorities and schedule and you should not be afraid to stand by them.

3) Embrace solitude. Confident people appreciate solitude, it is positive and enriching. It is an opportunity to reflect and recharge, leading to personal growth, increased productivity, and self-confidence.

4) Believe in themselves. The cornerstone of all self-confident people is that they deeply believe in themselves and their abilities as a person. This self-belief is your inner strength that keeps you going when things get tough. If you do not believe in yourself, it is hard to convince others to believe in you.

5) Embrace others’ success. Confident people show genuine happiness in the accomplishments of others. We celebrate their success without feeling intimidated or insecure. They are confident in their own abilities and will cheer others on for their achievements.

6) Make eye contact. Eye contact makes some nervous, but it is a powerful skill to connect and communicate. It builds trust and shows respect. For highly confident people this comes naturally. This non-verbal tool reflects sincerity, warmth, and competence.

7) Embracing failure. It can be very hard to accept defeat-so don’t. Those with self-confidence will use it as a steppingstone to success. You want to embrace a setback as an opportunity to learn and grow. Pick yourself up, adjust and move forward.

8) Seek feedback. Asking for feedback opens us up to criticism and is quite scary. But, if you really want to grow and be the best you, seek honest opinions. Feedback can be tough, but it is about exposing your weaknesses so you may improve them. High confidence people value constructive criticism using it as a building block for improvement.

9) Maintain a positive attitude. Life is full of twists and turns. Through it all you must keep a positive attitude. Positivity is a choice, always look on the bright side, believe in your ability, it reflects your inner strength and self-confidence. Love yourself, have faith in positivity and be optimistic in the face of adversity.

The road to self-confidence is far from a straight path. You are not born with confidence; it is nurtured through your life experiences. It grows through your choices, the obstacles you overcome and the knowledge you gain. As you navigate through your journey, be kind to yourself, rejoice in your successes, grow from your failures, and truly believe in yourself.